Toddler Talent T-Shirts

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Swan Fairy Tales

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

The No No No's

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream...'

"Oh he also likes Wagner's 'Flight Of The Valkyries' played whenever he enters a room."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"I haven't been in a playpen yet that could hold me."

"I know he's little, but he uses it."

Spiro & Pusho and the baby choir

I think these suits have feet in them so we won't leave prints

Babies

"I mean, he does have a point."

'I know Jesus spoke in parables. Now for the last time, tell me exactly where you put my car keys.'

'My lawyer will get us out of here. This is a clear breach of human rights.'