Toddler Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Watch out for my little brother -- he's clothing-optional.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Director/Action Man toy.

A midwife holding a baby

Haircuts

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"That'll be five bucks."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"Werewolves of London..."

Rocking Horse

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"It's his emotional support animal."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

"If we play house, Timmy, we can't live with my parents because..."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Childlike love

"Graduation day at kite flying school."