Title Decoder Gifts

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

"I believe it was called 'cursive'."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'Physical or Social Science?'

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

Movies through the decades.

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Every Friday lunchtime procurement managers would gather to boast of the size of bid documents they had received that week.

"I have some character-building news for you."

'It's my job to be nosy!'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

Office of Lyrics You Can't Understand

"I'm not sure she really liked our gift. She used just two exclamation points after 'Thanks'."

'On the paupiettes de boeuf a la hongroise, which part is the hongroise?'

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

"It says to sign, and then print my name... can I use the school printer?"

'Is this a Greek restaurant?'

"The chocolate pudding is chef's digital signature dish."

"i'm trying to remember the type of California white wine but I like, but my mind keeps drawing a blanc."

'You can keep your job if you can come up with a satisfactory description of it.'

Marooned Optometrist

"I would be bilingual if you were bilingual!"

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

'This is our conference room modeled after the United Nations so we can understand what our tech support people are saying.'

'It's a good tax document conceptually, but your jargon's weak.'

Book Club. Tonight "The Catcher in the Rye." What a disappointment! I thought it was going to be about a baseball player opening a deli.

Dog Typos.

'Sorry, but this report is simply unacceptable. Way too much mumbo... not nearly enough jumbo.'

The Bureaucrats

Because you move your lips when you read, I think I have some idea of what you're going to have. Menu.

Russian Ministry of Disinformation

Dilma Rousseff