Lyric Decoders Gifts

Office of Lyrics You Can't Understand

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

Paw readings

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

Information vs. confusion

'Sheisse ... What ein dream!' - Freud

'Decoding is often 1, 14, 20, 9, 3, 12, 9, 13, 1, 3, 20, 9, 3.'

"I dreamed last night that I was furious at you for charging me for missing last week's session. What do you think it means?"

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

George Gershwin, Psychiatrist

"Why do you wear green lipstick?"

"Well, yes, I suppose I could explain the test results in 'plain English' — but then you'd know how sick you are."

"I have some character-building news for you."

Onstage with the transgenic singers...

'I've gone from spanning the globe at lightening speed to struggling with some techie's accent over a bad connection.'

"Bob, let's meet everyone. Amy is Director of Thought Innovation Solutions, Marcus is head of Transformative Mindset Empowerment, Terry's in charge of Scalable Competency Integration, and Gail is VP of Agile Enterprise Strategy. None of us knows what we do, Bob."

Siggy

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

"The doctors call it Polymyositis, but I call it 'Military Arthritis' because it comes with a lot of fatigue."

"Thanks to this new app, I now know Jim there is disgruntled."

"I had the strangest dream. I was suddenly in a room full of people, and I didn't have a stitch on."

'Baby and Child Care Guidelines'

Punk Rock

"Try verbalizing it."

"I just had a communications nightmare! I dreamt that the postal workers were on strike, the internet was down and someone had eaten the carrier pigeons!"

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

"A pharaoh who lived by the Nile...And was eaten by an old crocodile."

"I can't believe the things I've heard coming out of his mouth since he started listening to Eminem."