Tissue Technician Gifts

Jack of all trades

The Computer Bore

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

'Well, well, well...'

"Where's the business end of this thing?"

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

Early cyborg.

The Not-So Smart Meter

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

Congratulations on your retirement!

Cat Scan

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

'It's O.K. Charlie - you can relax. The T.V. repairman said, 'it can be fixed!''

High speed cinder block

STRIP Hambone: Early diesel run computer

"And this is one of our most poular models..."

Battery Lighthouse

Electronics: Nooks/Crannies

'Imagine if it was this simple to upgrade our staff.'

'Warning: Use of oversized apertures or antennas will void warranty,'

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Tangled Earphones Support Group.

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

Fixing the TV.

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'