Tired Humorist Gifts

'We're both dog-tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'Can you dance?'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"Archie always understands when I tell him I'm dog tired."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"Staff shortages and increased workloads means all leave has been cancelled...but as compensation we are being offered enhanced toilet breaks!"

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"It turns out your problem is not chronic fatigue. You're just dog tired."

"He's angry about getting old."

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

'My Dad just retired, and now he wants me to give him an allowance.'

"I've given up the ghost"