Sleep-deprived Humorist Gifts

"I can't remember how to fall asleep. What do you have for insomnesia?"

"What time should we wake him for breakfast?"

'I told you not to drink coffee before hibernating!'

'I didn't get the Owners Manual. I thought you got the Owners Manual.'

The downside of the cupcake bed.

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"Today is my second birthday and I wanted to let you know that I intend to take full advantage of my terrible twos!"

"I'm so tired: Joey was tossing and turning in his sleep the whole night and kept waking me up..."

'It's your turn, dear.'

Vulture waiting outside a failing business.

'It's these sleeper terrorists, doctor. They're keeping me awake at night.'

'Peel is sleeping badly.' - 'He seems very bright.' - 'Yes.' - 'Bright babies often sleep badly.' - 'Waaaaah!' - 'I want a thick baby.' - 'Zzzzzzz'

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"How's the insomnia?"

"And the important thing is to make sure you wake them up EVERY HOUR during the night."

Your fingers' worst nightmares

Things my cat says at 3 am

"Crawford's hard at work, I see!"

'We're both dog-tired.'

'I've got to do something about my insomnia. I didn't sleep a wink at work today.'

"Just go already!" "One could scarcely desire more delightful conditions for a nocturnal ramble..."

Please tell me you were sleepswimming again.

'Mom, did you know that if you turn the clock upside down, '4:45' spells 'Shh?''

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

I can't sleep, tell me about your day.

'Marmaduke, wake up! You're barking in your sleep again!'

'I'll call you back. I'm sleepwalking.'

'Water! Water! Scotch! Water!'

"Your snoring is really getting out of control."

"How long before we can tell him we're exhausted?"

"A child is like coffee. It's easy to make, but then won't let you sleep."

Guys, I still can't sleep. I can't stop worrying. The caf