Tipsy Storyteller Pillows

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Daughters at Bedtime

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

I get my ideas on sale...

Hog Futures

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"This may be the wine talking, but I'm wasted."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Centaur falls in love.

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"This is just between you and me and the lamppost." "I'll sell it to the tabloids."

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'