Tipsy Storyteller Pillows

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

Daughters at Bedtime

How I met your mother

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

I get my ideas on sale...

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"This may be the wine talking, but I'm wasted."

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Hog Futures

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Centaur falls in love.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"This is just between you and me and the lamppost." "I'll sell it to the tabloids."

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

'Not only do you need a good dish to win on this cooking show, you need a good story!'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

'He said, but for you he wouldn't have stuck your credit card to the roof of his mouth in the first place...'

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

'Excuse me officer. I'd like to report a U.F.O. sighting!'