Tip-conscious Diner Gifts

Le Cafe - 'No tip insurance, $10'.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"Strictly organic ingredients section or Russian roulette with genetically modified foods section?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

Our specials today include salad and dessert. Tip and service are NOT included.

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'May I have two containers - fish for my cat, meat for the dog...vegetables divided as follows, one-fourth for the cat, three-fourths for the dog, but no carrots for the cat - kitty doesn't like carrots...'

"Tell your chef I'd like something for a refined and cultured palate. For under ten bucks."

'I'm impressed at your choice sir, you certainly know your budget wines.'

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Price and serving size: A guide.

'What price range did you have in mind?'

"Two steaks, cruelly raised and brutally slaughtered. Enjoy!"

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

"I'll start with the arugula-and-goat-cheese salad, and then I'll have the blackened wolf."

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'It's half as good as our $10 special.'

'I think we might attract a better type of customer if we raised our standards a little.'

For Your Dining Pleasure

"We're having chicken Cuca for dinner tonight!"

"Do you have a lean cuisine, waiter?"

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

'Do you have another menu of what I can have?'

"Sorry, I refuse to eat anything that has a face."

Today, we introduce a new feature: Now That's Cheap. ™ We give customers used plastic utensils. We'll wash them after every use. This spoon's got a hole in it.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Probably not.

"For what we are about to receive, let it not contain any mad cow disease..."

'I may be the mini-bartender, but I still expect to get a full-sized tip.'

'The only thing I can honestly recommend, Sir, is get plenty of fresh air and exercise.'

Pick Your Own Lobster/Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop