Time Zone Jokester Gifts

"The reason why U.S. time is behind English time is because England was discovered first..."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

A fisherman reacts as he sees a drone flying over the lake with a fishing line into the water below.

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

Whatcha doing, dad? I'm at work. Logging on. Tree's Tree Nursery.

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'What are you talking about? ? how can you have half a quantum theory?'

"Ah - The 'Big Gang' theory."

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

"Enough helium makes laughing gas."

International Conference on Genetically Modified Crop Development.

First Speeding Fine.

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

Grok's Black Hole Theory

2 trilobites; 'So what are you going to be when you die - oil or gas?'

"Shrinkage /ˈSHriNGkij/ noun: 1. the contraction of an object when cooled, 2. the 'Naked Cowboy' in Times Square on a really cold day."

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

DNA Lab. Let's just say that at the lab picnic next month, I plan on winning the three-legged race!

"I'm working on my pet theory."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

"I keep thinking I'm a noble gas."

"Here. We promised you a big lab."