Zeitgeist Jokester Gifts

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

"Before someone says anything, yes, it was a long winter."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Honey! A Jewish starfish!"

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'He's a pretty good pet, except for the 'walkies' part.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

"I'm very highly strung!"

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'Existential truckstop'

Robot porn.