Tv Jokester Gifts

Flashing those who can't see you.

'That's the third time this week my dreams have been interupted by commercials!

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

Real Reality Shows...

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Clown throws a bucket of confetti over car at 'Jimbo's carwash'.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

''Yeah, mine's a rescue dog too.''

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"I've got writer's block."

This condition could be hereditary - does stupidity run in your family?

Monkey Curling Lion's Mane.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

"We hang like this for the incredible ab workout."

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Some card-game puns

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'