Time Skeptics Pillows

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

'It was only 500 yds across but as he visualised the GPS blind spot the risks seemed immense.'

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

Virtual Reality Shop. I think our business here will expand as actual reality becomes more and more unbelievable.

Bad Influence of TV

"Dad, can you read?"

"You wanted to miss the Matisse show."

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

'Time? Time's relative.'

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

"The news you are about to see is fictitious and is shown merely for its sensational content."

Rare Book Store: Telephone Directories

'This is Thompson, he'll be getting your tea department online and working on it's global brand.'

'...but I'm already working as slow as I can.'

' 'cock-a-doodle-doo' out of whack!'

"I miss expense accounts."

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

'Half past zen.'

'…dial tone…dial tone…dial tone…'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'The doctor from 'daytime television' said I've got gall stones, but I thought I'd better come to you for a second opinion.'

"I wonder if we could allow women a greater role in religion other than as sacrifices?"

'Have you got the time?'

"Technology isn't so fancy. When I was a girl, we had something like a 24-hour weather channel, too!"

It's Rudy's annual treecation – A low-cost vacation spent sitting under his tree. This year, a twist: His gadgets have lost battery life and his portable generator is out … Don't panic. Maybe this is a battery tree. Just leaves. Or maybe there's an outlet. Bark. What kind of tree is this?! Proudly powered by sun and roots.

Assisted suicide.

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

"It means this show has been dumbed down to the level of people who couldn't pour water out of a boot, even if the instructions were printed on the heel."

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!