Longevity Skeptic Pillows

"My goal is to die before there's a technology breakthrough that forces me to live to a hundred and thirty."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'