Longevity Skeptic T-Shirts

"My goal is to die before there's a technology breakthrough that forces me to live to a hundred and thirty."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

"I see you also took the road less travelled!"

'Do I remember pre-decimal coinage?I remember pre-Tudor coinage!'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

Midlife: You Are Here.

My philosophy ... If you can't beat 'em, outlive 'em.

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

That's Seven in Human Years

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"That's Ms Pitt. She's been entrenched on high alert at the front desk for 42 years."