Longevity Philosopher T-Shirts

'He had the nerve to ask me what the secret to a long life was. I said, I can tell you, but then I'll have to kill you.'

'Methuselah is very depressed. The doctor gave him only 85 more years to live.'

"Either you give up all that unhealthy stuff and live another 30 years or you go on as before, have a blast for about 10 or 11 years and then die happy, satisfied and drunken."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Apocalliptical

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mall of ages

Women

Balding Autumn Tree.

"It's a coming of old age story."

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Who's Dead

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"When you reach your expiration date, would you like to be crushed or recycled?"

Tom's last day.

Guru in a maze.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'