Lifespan Philosopher T-Shirts

"As a 400-year-old shark, you're the oldest animal on earth. What's the secret of your longevity?"

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

Aging Support Group

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Apocalliptical

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

Women

Balding Autumn Tree.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."