Time Theorist Pillows

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'Anyone who believes that time is merely an abstract concept, never waited in all day for a delivery...'

'Time? Time's relative.'

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

Ideas Ahead of their Time

Jason and the Aga notes,

"Can that be right?"

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"You're late."

"I always forget. Is this the day we spin ahead one hour?"

"And from Newton's second law on rigid bodies it can be shown that force equals mass times acceleration...I'll show you."

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

When a nanosecond is forever.

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"Ramses II was here."

'Did you try rebooting?'

'Half past zen.'

'faster!'

Astronomers argue theories of the Universe.

Almost Your Time.

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

If time is money, why the hell isn't space money?

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Assisted suicide.

"Dad, how does Santa Claus visit all the children in the world in one night?"

Time Machine Assassination Squad

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

'Have you got the time?'

"It's right now, but what happens when the clocks go forward?"

The longest day of the year coincides with the summer solstice. In the northern hemisphere this occurred on June 21st at 10:07 GN+MT. He's a scientist but I disagree with something he said. The day you get your driver's license renewed or when you flight is delayed over and over or December 24th for a child - these could be the longest day of the year. The summer solstice is just on the day with the most hours of sunlight.

Fish in a bowl counting time.