Timing Philosopher Pillows

Wall St. Journal. I was at the right place, but I slept through the right time.

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"Can that be right?"

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'Safe!'

"Sorry for the wait - I hope it wasn't too long."

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

When pedants take a break.

'Time? Time's relative.'

Doing timeout changes a guy.

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

'It was wishful thinking when they called me 'Flash': I've never won a race in my whole life...'

Psychiatry. Oops, it 3:17, time for me to switch chairs!

'Tortoise fanciers dinner 6:30pm for 10pm'

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

Almost Your Time.

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

"Last year, my whole family went on a trip. It started on a Tuesday, and ended just in the nick of time."

'Half past zen.'

'Tell the boss I'm leaving an hour early this afternoon, to make up for being an hour late this morning.'

"Is this late lunch or early dinner?"

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Assisted suicide.

'Have you got the time?'

"It's right now, but what happens when the clocks go forward?"

Egg race.

God's turnaround time.