Time Philosopher Pillows

"What to Expect When You're Alive"

"Sometimes I worry about getting old."

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

Trash Time

Life Hourglass

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

Fish in a bowl counting time.

'Have you got the time?'

'You've grown so old!'

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

Assisted suicide.

'Half past zen.'

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

I have a great self-help book to lend you, Al

Psychiatry. I can't stop myself from holding grudges against humans. It's just your nature. Time is unforgiving to all people.

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"Can that be right?"

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

Children's games and technology

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

Childhood Screen Addict

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

'Time-outs might have more meaning when I learn to tell time.'

"You seem very remote."

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

That's a street lamp, Steve.

"Sometimes I wish they'd never perfected setless television."