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"It's from the NSA. They've accidentally deleted that risotto recipe. Can you send it again?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

To do before Saturday...

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

Holiday Supplies

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Is this still America?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."