Thriller Gourmet T-Shirts

"It's from the NSA. They've accidentally deleted that risotto recipe. Can you send it again?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

La Table

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Holiday Supplies

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."