Halloween Gourmet T-Shirts

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Needs salt!'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Cooking'