Holiday Gourmet T-Shirts

"I'm having a Thanksgiving get-together, Mort, but my date's bringing her grandma. Want to come along to keep her company?" "I'm avoiding Thanksgiving this year." "I hear there's an awful turkey-borne illness going around. Best to play it safe." "Turkey? Who said anything about turkey? I'm serving the patented "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's Sexy Holiday Meal." "A dozen oysters, chocolate chunks, red wine, and Marvin Gaye playing softly in the background. Be there at 4:30." "Sorry, that's p

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Rejoice! It's time to celebrate the baby cheeses!

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'I would kill for a truffle.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

"When it's extremely cold out, I prefer flambés to winter stews."

It's not an addiction if you only do it once a year!

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Stand back - while I whip something up

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Turkey Sandwich anyone?

'It's too early to start being good for Christmas. I always wait until at least the Thanksgiving left-overs are all gone.'

'No, that is not a balanced diet.'

"Who gets what?"

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

'Turkey's okay, but most of the trimmings are vegetables.'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

"I swear, you won't be able to tell the difference, plus, turkey eye of newt is much healthier for you."

Huge Christmas Pudding

Turkey Decoy

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'Oh no wonder, this is Extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil.'

I love Sprouts

'I vote we throw caution to the wind.'

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'