Gourmet Adventures T-Shirts

The first law of barbecuing. Your tongs will never be long enough.

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'A cheeky red?'

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

La Table

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Fresh pepper?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

I wish I'd had the review.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'