Gourmet Gamer T-Shirts

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

The Main Types of Cheese

"I come here for the pepper."

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Too much cilantro

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

'Is this still America?'

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Cheese

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'