Gourmet Gamblers T-Shirts

"I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

The Main Types of Cheese

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

To do before Saturday...

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Cooking'