Gourmet Gamblers T-Shirts

"I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure."

"You're the lid to my pot."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'According to this book, the casino has a slight edge in this game.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

To do before Saturday...

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"The bagels are better in New York."