Gourmet Mouse Adventurer T-Shirts

"It's not even artisanal."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Holiday Supplies

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

I wish I'd had the review.

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"I didn't invent the wheel. I invented the pizza."