Thoughtful Conversationalist Gifts

'I usually say what I think.'. . .'I usually think what I say.'

"Larry is a white male, but he hasn't been able to do much with it."

Statue of Christopher Columbus

"How are you doing with that advertising copywriter?"

'White is beautiful, too.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"It's only normal, Miriam. I, too, sometimes feel that I must be a Post-Everythingist."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Jokes machine.

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

The Algonquin Round Table

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

Bat out of Hell

"Your free-floating anxiety is floating over to me."

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

Heart To Heart

"So, what is your star sign?"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Prisoner speech

'I don't think you're trying hard enough to look at things from the sinner's perspective, Reverend.'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."