Thought-provoking Conversationalist Gifts

"Could you tell me where I am? Not geographically - but in an existentialist way."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"What if Mary had an abortion?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Crow and fox

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Jokes machine.

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"