Thought-provoking Conversationalist Pillows

"Could you tell me where I am? Not geographically - but in an existentialist way."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"What if Mary had an abortion?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

Jokes machine.

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'