Opinionated Conversationalist Pillows

"Look, I've got nothing against globalization, just as long as it's not in my backyard."

"I don't consider myself as intolerant."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, How come there never seems to be any penalty for pundits who turn out to be wrong all the time? - Andy, Los Angeles. Actual reader question. Excellent question. Unfortunately, answering that question would lead to a stock market collapse ... Which would be just the sign of weakness that the Dutch have been looking for. I'll answer you if you really want to wake up to the sound of 500,000 clogs bearing down on you. Ask Sadie questions at asksadie@rudypark.com.

'...can you tell me how to blame Obama for all that?'

Politician wants to cover his tracks

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Crow and fox

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

The Algonquin Round Table

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

A lesson in wit

"So, what is your star sign?"

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'