Therapy Session Laugher Gifts

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"But if you cure my hypochondria I won't have any hobbies."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Let's try some word disassociation

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

'I wouldn't worry about a poor sense of direction...'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

Psychobabble.

'You seem pretty wound up today.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

"Hang on a second! This nutcase is allowed on the furniture, but I'm not?!"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Cat Therapy. Just when we make a little progress, they bolt to another room for no reason.

"I have a recurring dream that I have a recurring dream, but I can't remember what it is!"

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

"Dad, can you just ground me instead?"

'I don't feel I stand out in a crowd anymore.'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

"Not every dream is about you, Mom."

Al, those look like crocodile tears to me. I'll have you know that crocodiles have feelings too, Dr. Kapuchnik.

"Are you blushing?!"

Why are you constantly asking to approach the bench? My psychiatrist says I suffer from gavel envy.

'Not much of a support group are they.'

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."