Lab Laugher Gifts

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Jury Bribes.

Jim's Mowing Services

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Bad Ant Joke

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Escaping surgery.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."