Legacy Laugher Gifts

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

'Just a little off the top.'

Coast to coast.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Jury Bribes.

Jim's Mowing Services

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

Bad Ant Joke

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'