Lifestyle Laugher Gifts

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'Just a little off the top.'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Coast to coast.

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

Husband check

Escaping surgery.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

They Say It's Too Easy To Sue, But Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth