Logistics Laugher Gifts

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'Just a little off the top.'

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Coast to coast.

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

Escaping surgery.

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'