Laugher In Limbo Gifts

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"It's amazing how they manage to endure despite all the lineup changes."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Escaping surgery.

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

"I don't have to worry about my investments; it's a perk of not having any."