Surgery Laugher Gifts

Escaping surgery.

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

Coast to coast.

Jury Bribes.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."