Hospital Life Laugher Gifts

"Could be worse. Can`t imagine being in Italy with all those restrictions on movement."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

Just Browsing.

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

"Don't worry it's only natural to be a little nervous before a big operation."

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Escaping surgery.

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

"Your blood work suggests you've got a bit of a sniffle. . . but I'd like to conduct a couple of dozen more just to make sure."

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"I'd like some Ketamine for my appetizer. What opiate would you recommend for my entree?"