Hospital Life Laugher Gifts

"Could be worse. Can`t imagine being in Italy with all those restrictions on movement."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"According to the chart you've either stabilised or flatlined."

Just Browsing.

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

"Don't worry it's only natural to be a little nervous before a big operation."

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

"Your blood work suggests you've got a bit of a sniffle. . . but I'd like to conduct a couple of dozen more just to make sure."

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Escaping surgery.

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'