Lawsuit Laugher Gifts

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

The breakup

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Just a little off the top.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

Escaping surgery.

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'