Legal Eagle Laugher Gifts

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Just a little off the top.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Jim's Mowing Services

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

Bad Ant Joke

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Escaping surgery.

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."