Legal Eagle Laugher Gifts

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

'Just a little off the top.'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

Jim's Mowing Services

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Bad Ant Joke

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

Escaping surgery.

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'