Lawless Laugher Gifts

Police Lineup Escape

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

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Minority Report Is Real

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"I take it the defense rests."

'Just a little off the top.'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Hang on a minute...are you over 18?'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."