Lawless Laugher Gifts

Police Lineup Escape

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

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'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

'Just a little off the top.'

"I take it the defense rests."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Hang on a minute...are you over 18?'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."