Law Loving Laugher Gifts

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

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'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"I take it the defense rests."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Just a little off the top.'

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

Jim's Mowing Services

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Bad Ant Joke

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'