Law Loving Laugher Pillows

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

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'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'Just a little off the top.'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"I take it the defense rests."

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

Jim's Mowing Services

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

Bad Ant Joke

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'