Legal Laugher Pillows

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"Oh, no. They're three doors down. We're People for the Ethical Treatment of Attorneys."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- a bank robbery can't be consentual!'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Police Lineup Escape

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"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

Minority Report Is Real

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"I don't care how it's pronounced, I want it."

"I take it the defense rests."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Just a little off the top.'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Jury Bribes.

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Judge Duels

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."