Legal Laughters Pillows

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

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"First, admit no harm."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"I take it the defense rests."

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

Judge Duels

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

Barrister defending a criminal