Lawsuit Laugher Pillows

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

The breakup

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

'Just a little off the top.'

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

Escaping surgery.

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Never ever will I move by train again.'