Liability Laugher Pillows

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

The breakup

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

'Just a little off the top.'

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Please Keep Pets on Leash.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Never ever will I move by train again.'