Lonely Laugher Gifts

'People say that 'Money Talks'. Guys, I'd love to hear some.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

'Just a little off the top.'

Coast to coast.

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"I did follow my bliss. It wandered around in circles and then ended up at an Arby's in Hoboken."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

Escaping surgery.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'It's a tweet from heaven. They say if we don't stop watching them, they're going to tell God.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'