Tech Laugher Gifts

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"It's amazing how they manage to endure despite all the lineup changes."

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

Escaping surgery.

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

'People say that 'Money Talks'. Guys, I'd love to hear some.'